do WHAT now?

OK....OK, i understand maybe I'm too immature to understand the mind of mature boys but....wow. after only a week and THAT comes up. THAT never entered my mind! (OK, well, that's a lie. it did, but i didn't ever expect it to come up in conversation!!!!!) i guess i should take comfort in the fact that he fears the law and plans on waiting. but still, that's only 6 months away. holy crap!!!!i didn't sign on for this!!!! I'm not ready for this!!! I'm still innocent as fuck!like, seriously!!! I dont even know why im freaking out, i mean.....we probably wont even be together by then. ugh!!!!!! he turns 18 this w.e!!!!!!!!! i need to find a gift!

faster faster faster faster CRASH

ok, so, im totally on a head trip right now. no, im not on drugs. but basicly my friends and i spent last night lying down in aarons living room watching the pretty colors the disco ball made till about 12:30. and now im chatting (and mad....mad...mad flirting) with a new boyfriend who is TOTALLY out of my league. but still, i persist to dig myslef deeper. am balancing and juggling and i kno its ll gonna fall down and im gonna have OH SO MUCH fun picking up the pieces. but...i suppose its too late cause i cant convince myself to stop.

i dont know what im doing, and im afraid its obvious. im hesitating but it looks like im playing hard to get. thats probably a good thing. he likes me i can tell. definitely. or maybe not. what if hes messing with my head??? he could be. but that would be mean. *sigh* he likes my eyes. AUGH! snap out of it! what happened last time? i got hurt. whats gonna happen this time? im gonna get hurt! its a never ending cycle that only stops if you never give it a chance to start. well maybe this time it will be different. but it wont be because it never is. its always the same crap over and over again. but he likes me so much i can tel and he- no! if anything, he wants what all boys want and that is, in the simplist and most G-rated answer TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE. hes so sweet though. and he likes to spend time wih me and he makes me laugh alot. and think im falling for him.no, no youre not. you think you are. you only like him because he likes you. thats what ALWAYS happens. you dont like a guy till they have an interest in you and then you try to reel them in once youve caught them you have no more interest. you move on to the next guy. NO! its true and you know it. hes not the bad guy here, you are. even if he does truly like you, either A. you'll lose interest and hurt him, or B. youll grow attatched and HE will lose interest and "oh well lookie here doesnt this image look farmiliar????" youre left to mend a broken heart of a guy that you honestly didnt like that much when he asked you out. thats not a pretty picture. its like when kids in the country are told not to name the animals on the farm cause then they get sad when they get eaten!!!! i dont know. ill never know until i try. i wont and the only way to gain experience is by getting out there and experiencing it for myself! and what do you think is gonna happen when he realizes you have NO idea what youre doing? i guess we'll just have to see, wont we?

POCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKY

OK SO THIS IS THE HELLO KITTY AND THE HALLOWEEN POCKY
10 AND 25 BUCKS CHICOS!

so it just occured to me that i play with my food

i have realized something terribly disturbing today. i play with my food
why, might you ask is this unpleasent?
well, firstly, i dont mean this in the literal sense. but take it as you will
basicly, i mess with peoples emotions
no, i dont do it on purpose, or even realize i do it. but it is all the same, not nice
take for example my dating this year
im hung up over boy A, so i decide to do a bit of flirting around,
loe and behold, on my fishing rod I catch boy B, a pretty cute senior!
so i play around with him for about a week, until basicly, i notice boy C, who is sadly, a friend of mine who has had a HUGE crush on me. out of the blue comes boy D who is BY FAR the cutest and really likes me, but sadly a tiiinsy bit jelous (which is to say he pushed boy C up against a locker and threatened him)
ho he HAD TO GO. (i told him i was still falling from boy A to give my attention to ANY boy in the alphabet)
Now, boy C still likes me. and i MIGHT be developing a crush on HIM. so i decide to give it a shot.
happy ending right????
far from it beotches
i forgot about boy B
who basicly just asked me out.
dont worry i didnt say yrs (i just didnt say......no)
i told him boy C might just be a rebound and to wait.
yeah so basicly iom screwed

*sigh*
strix

humanity fricken sux

ok, so basicly, i realized today that i am human. (no i did nto think i was some strange animal thing or any type of trite crap like that)
what i mean is, the things i associate humanity with, including being merciless, and ceniving, and alltogether stupid, i find myself doing. which should be a suprise, but it just struck me how hypocritical ive been. i gave someone crap today for thinking something about a certasin person only to realize i thought the same thing. i dont do what i preach. a friend of mine tells me this is just human nature, but i hate it! i fell so hypocritical! why???? why must the world be unkind to those who dont deserve it? why should a nation have to pay for one persons stupidity? why do we judge people on false terms???? it isnt fair!!!!!!
sorrowfully yours,
strix

too many thoughts

so im chilling with my homie spaz uo in this joint talking about tru love s&m and everything in between
*wink wink*
pretty much im just kind of learning thast the people who need the most are the ones you take for granted. whuch is sad cause you never get to tell them how much they all mean. and i dont mean that romanticly. just basicly, if you ied, would best friend know they were your best friend?????

SAVE THE WORLD! (or part of it)

so, i belong to a group called salvation for a nation (btw, i youre not a part of it, you should be) which deals with the genocide in Darfur, and i went to the first leadership meeting today. Wow, are we disorganized. im kind of worried about the future of the group because it is something i truly believe in. i hope to god we can at least save one life. iven if thats all we do.
"be the change you wish to see in the world" Ghandi
strix

augh japan japan japan

6
thousand
dollars
........
hoooooly crap. how the hell am i gonna get sixthousand bucks????? even after sponsers and fundraisers and just plain begging like a hobo, i have no idea how im going to pay for this. but i have to go!!! i just HAVE TO!!! ill figure something out, i always do. but if anyone has any ties to a compony who might want to sponser me, i would love them forever!!!!! really i would! ill \even bring you back a gift! like a little asian boy!!!! (nah, i think the airport would frown upon that) ill get you......something.
love'
strix

back by popular demand

hmmm what to write about today???? oh! im gonna be the wendys girl! (yeah pretty much) ive ogtta get the outfit done by tues. (red braids and the funky dress) if any of you laughs. I WILL EAT YOU!!! (or perverted comments) yeah so... im really bored. you guys need to comment cause you love me. or i will cry *starts to tear up* you...dont...love....me....do....you????? im kidding. ill probably post pictures up here soon for tuesday once i can figure out how to do it...

should i be scared????

ok, sooo....i had my first thespian meeting today.(if youre reading this Sam & Nicole, WERE THESPIASNS!!!!!!!!) cool shit happened. we picked out our shirts. theyve got pandas on them. it works.
****NO SOAP, RADIO!!!!******
but i also got my thespian inductor, or whatever you wanna call it. it wasnt who it was supposed to be but.....i was ok with it.
UNTIL I FOUND OUT THAT I HAD BEEN CHOSEN BY THE SPAWN OF THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!
i have no idea what shes chosen for me to wear, but all i know is those who DO know have pretty much said "God have mercy on your soul"
im scared. im fricken scared....
heres to a new year (i guess)
strix

my second rant

OK first of all, i would like to say i love all of my loyal readers! (OK, reader......shut up) anyways i also need to hold up my end of a bargain. so here i go

to my beloved shoushi,
you are my love, my one love my *cough* only....love. you are the sugar in my tea, the sunrise in my day, the class that doesn't give homework. you are kind sweet amazing and TALENTED!!!!!!! yeah you heard me! you have talents and they are amazing. i envy you sooooo much! yes! that's right! i am jealous of you! take a good look at those words cause i will never say them again. so there. now you know.
love, Panku


OK now that that is out of the way.... i have survived the weekend from hell!!!!!unscathed! unscratched! good as new! *passes out*
OK well, not perfect, but hey.
yeah I'm pretty much out of ideas here so ill sign off before i start ranting. (you: weren't you ranting before? Me: shut up!)
love,
strix

my first rant (hello to the little people!!!)

so!...hi! im strix....you all know me and if you dont...i know you. maybe im stalking you. i could be right in your bedroom window. staring at you. in your pink footie pajamas (you: *gasp* how did you know???) but yeah. pretty much...im at my grandparents wasting away and procrastenating on my homework. i hate listening to T.Vs in the other room. cause its not interesting enough to go out in watch....but you hear strange snippets of the show. like "wow, ive never seen a old man that big" and youre just there like O.o??? oh bit of a interruption... HI SAM!!!!!! (wait you dont like purple) HI SAM!!!!!!! aaaanyways... u no what i hate more? bad actoers they piss me off. especially when people fawn over them. OHOHOHOHOH! Shawn Harris from The Matches looks like Johnny Depp! seriously. look up a picture of SH and JD and compare them ( i would do it but i havent learned that much yet) ive been obsessed with Thre Matcjes for awhile now. i want their CDs but i cant find them. if anyone can give me some MP3s i would love you forever and give you chocolate. oh...im prettymuch done now. CIAO!
love
strix