do WHAT now?

OK....OK, i understand maybe I'm too immature to understand the mind of mature boys but....wow. after only a week and THAT comes up. THAT never entered my mind! (OK, well, that's a lie. it did, but i didn't ever expect it to come up in conversation!!!!!) i guess i should take comfort in the fact that he fears the law and plans on waiting. but still, that's only 6 months away. holy crap!!!!i didn't sign on for this!!!! I'm not ready for this!!! I'm still innocent as fuck!like, seriously!!! I dont even know why im freaking out, i mean.....we probably wont even be together by then. ugh!!!!!! he turns 18 this w.e!!!!!!!!! i need to find a gift!

faster faster faster faster CRASH

ok, so, im totally on a head trip right now. no, im not on drugs. but basicly my friends and i spent last night lying down in aarons living room watching the pretty colors the disco ball made till about 12:30. and now im chatting (and mad....mad...mad flirting) with a new boyfriend who is TOTALLY out of my league. but still, i persist to dig myslef deeper. am balancing and juggling and i kno its ll gonna fall down and im gonna have OH SO MUCH fun picking up the pieces. but...i suppose its too late cause i cant convince myself to stop.

i dont know what im doing, and im afraid its obvious. im hesitating but it looks like im playing hard to get. thats probably a good thing. he likes me i can tell. definitely. or maybe not. what if hes messing with my head??? he could be. but that would be mean. *sigh* he likes my eyes. AUGH! snap out of it! what happened last time? i got hurt. whats gonna happen this time? im gonna get hurt! its a never ending cycle that only stops if you never give it a chance to start. well maybe this time it will be different. but it wont be because it never is. its always the same crap over and over again. but he likes me so much i can tel and he- no! if anything, he wants what all boys want and that is, in the simplist and most G-rated answer TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE. hes so sweet though. and he likes to spend time wih me and he makes me laugh alot. and think im falling for him.no, no youre not. you think you are. you only like him because he likes you. thats what ALWAYS happens. you dont like a guy till they have an interest in you and then you try to reel them in once youve caught them you have no more interest. you move on to the next guy. NO! its true and you know it. hes not the bad guy here, you are. even if he does truly like you, either A. you'll lose interest and hurt him, or B. youll grow attatched and HE will lose interest and "oh well lookie here doesnt this image look farmiliar????" youre left to mend a broken heart of a guy that you honestly didnt like that much when he asked you out. thats not a pretty picture. its like when kids in the country are told not to name the animals on the farm cause then they get sad when they get eaten!!!! i dont know. ill never know until i try. i wont and the only way to gain experience is by getting out there and experiencing it for myself! and what do you think is gonna happen when he realizes you have NO idea what youre doing? i guess we'll just have to see, wont we?

POCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKYPOCKY

OK SO THIS IS THE HELLO KITTY AND THE HALLOWEEN POCKY
10 AND 25 BUCKS CHICOS!

so it just occured to me that i play with my food

i have realized something terribly disturbing today. i play with my food
why, might you ask is this unpleasent?
well, firstly, i dont mean this in the literal sense. but take it as you will
basicly, i mess with peoples emotions
no, i dont do it on purpose, or even realize i do it. but it is all the same, not nice
take for example my dating this year
im hung up over boy A, so i decide to do a bit of flirting around,
loe and behold, on my fishing rod I catch boy B, a pretty cute senior!
so i play around with him for about a week, until basicly, i notice boy C, who is sadly, a friend of mine who has had a HUGE crush on me. out of the blue comes boy D who is BY FAR the cutest and really likes me, but sadly a tiiinsy bit jelous (which is to say he pushed boy C up against a locker and threatened him)
ho he HAD TO GO. (i told him i was still falling from boy A to give my attention to ANY boy in the alphabet)
Now, boy C still likes me. and i MIGHT be developing a crush on HIM. so i decide to give it a shot.
happy ending right????
far from it beotches
i forgot about boy B
who basicly just asked me out.
dont worry i didnt say yrs (i just didnt say......no)
i told him boy C might just be a rebound and to wait.
yeah so basicly iom screwed

*sigh*
strix

humanity fricken sux

ok, so basicly, i realized today that i am human. (no i did nto think i was some strange animal thing or any type of trite crap like that)
what i mean is, the things i associate humanity with, including being merciless, and ceniving, and alltogether stupid, i find myself doing. which should be a suprise, but it just struck me how hypocritical ive been. i gave someone crap today for thinking something about a certasin person only to realize i thought the same thing. i dont do what i preach. a friend of mine tells me this is just human nature, but i hate it! i fell so hypocritical! why???? why must the world be unkind to those who dont deserve it? why should a nation have to pay for one persons stupidity? why do we judge people on false terms???? it isnt fair!!!!!!
sorrowfully yours,
strix

too many thoughts

so im chilling with my homie spaz uo in this joint talking about tru love s&m and everything in between
*wink wink*
pretty much im just kind of learning thast the people who need the most are the ones you take for granted. whuch is sad cause you never get to tell them how much they all mean. and i dont mean that romanticly. just basicly, if you ied, would best friend know they were your best friend?????